Loving a Child Lost

Four years old, brown hair and big deep brown eyes just like his daddy. It wasn’t long before little George would be entering school. All the precious moments spent alone would soon change. How hard it is to let go knowing there will be so much less time together. I wonder what he will grow up to be. I wonder if he will be like his dad or even his mom. I wonder if he will be happy. Oh how precious they are in his site. How wonderful blessings children can be. I grieve for others who can not conceive. To know the joys of moments together no one else can ever have. The tie that binds us all together is even stronger in a mother and a child.

He stood in front of me, reaching for my hand, adorable as he was, he smelled and I wanted to kiss him to bits.  I reached toward his hand and put his hand in mine when it slipped right through. How can this be you ask. This child that stood before me in my kitchen was a prophesy delivered by God. It would be the first and only time in my life I would see a 3D holographic image. I had always been blessed with the gift of prophesy, but this would be the first time in my 33 years, I would ever consider the gift a curse. I’m young and inexperienced in delivering the word. I do my best though, but this was a lesson learned I NEVER wanted to learn.

You see, this beautiful young child before my eyes was murdered. He never had a chance to breathe the air or cry out loud. He never had a chance to look up at his mother, and say I love you. He never got to look into her eyes, nor her looking into his. To never hold hug and kiss nor hold each other’s hands. This child before my eyes wasn’t mine.

His murder would happen 2 weeks after I gave his soon to be mother the prophesy, and worse yet, it happened while I was on the phone with her. All it took was 2 little pills, to murder a child never born.

I don’t write this and sit in judgment of what went down. I write this in pain and grief to share a site not many see. I’m neither pro-life nor pro-choice, but I know I don’t believe in abortion as a form of birth control. If you were faced with seeing the child not yet born, what choice would you make?

I still cry and grieve for loving a child lost. George wasn’t my son, but I know what it’s like to lose a child (he may not of been of my womb but he was my son). It is pain that I fear will never go away. Now I live day to day in wonderment of why God allowed me to see a child lost.

The lesson I had learned from this brutal experience is… the message I receive isn’t for me, I’m the mailman with a message, what the other person decides to do with it is up to them. It is my job to pass the message on.

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