I’ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the reason for that is trauma from family members as a child being brought forward in flashing events.
Many people don’t realize how abusive they are even as adults. Dominating and controlling is a form of abuse. No one wants to be dominated nor controlled by another adult, let alone a sibling.
When you give a compliment followed by an insult it’s not a compliment at all but a show of control, and dominance. Unhealthy to say the least, even if it appears to be a joke with a ‘lol’ attached. If it’s on going, it’s not a joke. Example “You did a great job, too bad you suck at so some many other things. Lol”
I’m in therapy, and I say that proudly as I wish to be a better person. I listen, digest, and take in what is communicated. I’ve been learning a lot and have recently undergone some testing to discover I am not bipolar. I have a proper diagnoses and working on a treatment plan.
I figured out that this form of abuse, the ‘compliment followed by an insult’ was something learned from my parents as a form of love. I saw myself doing it in the past, and it made me sick. I didn’t realize it. It was one of many things that the Holy Spirit convicted me of. How can you truly show love, or respect for another if you can’t say anything nice and truly mean it? You don’t have to be abusive to show you care. It doesn’t feel good, doing it, seeing it, or receiving it.
If someone is doing this to you, and you don’t feel its right, chances are it’s not. I have tried to address the control and dominance issue in sibling relationships, and it didn’t go well. Mostly because you can’t get someone else to change, you can only change yourself! When the abuse starts, I am forced to do my usual, ignoring, and praying that perhaps someday they will be convicted of their sins. I don’t accept their abuse, and neither should anyone else. Walk away, far away, and if it’s online like mine has adapted to, ignore, block and move on.